Caring

“Love” is a word with special meaning for us all.

Mom’s love was like a built-in cabinet above the fireplace in the living room.  Built-in furniture is always there; it doesn’t move or get pushed to the side.  It’s always useful, yet out of the way, unlike that coffee table I stumbled over in the dark last night.

You never really think of built-in furniture as separate from the house.  It’s just … there … always ready for use.  Just like Mom’s love for us, never obvious but always there.

Always ready to do the right thing.

Never in the way, but always handy, ready to be dragged out at a moment’s notice.

She loved.

Yesterday, 17 July, 2010, my brother Dan and my father Ron and I went up to Duluth to the Duluth Airshow. To me, it was a fantastic day, even though it was a long one, because it gave me and my brother the opportunity to get my dad out of the house and do something that would hopefully ease his mind for a while (later on that day, brother Tom and his wife Michelle and their two kids, Cameron and Avery, also showed up). The USAF Thunderbirds were the main advertised act of the show, with a long list of other acts, all but a few being military jets, both current and decommissioned.

The temperature was great, and with the exception of a few threatening cloud banks nearby that never opened up, the sky was nearly perfect for an airshow. There was a McDonnell Douglas F-4 Phantom II (my absolute favorite fighter jet of all time), a few McDonnell Douglas F-15 Strike Eagles, 9 General Dynamics F-16 Fighting Falcons (five of which belonged to the Thunderbirds), a Boeing F/A-18 Super Hornet,  a McDonnell Douglas AV-8B Harrier II (one of mom’s favorite planes at airshows), a North American B-25 Mitchell bomber, and a Lockheed P-38 Lightning, with the last two listed being from the World War II time line.

During the several demonstrations of each plane, one act got special attention from me, and I suspect several thousand other people witnessing this act. It  was called the Heritage Flight, and consisted of the F-4 Phantom, the P-38 Lightning, and an F-15 Strike Eagle.  The 2 jets flew as wingmen to the P-38, which was in the center, and they flew a  line-abreast formation, doing several passes overhead and in front of the crowd.  It was simply beautiful to witness three eras of military might, flying so close to one another, to paint a picture in the sky that represented our American armed forces and their plight to keep us safe and free.

As I witnessed this unique, one of a kind display of power and grace, I couldn’t help but to become overwhelmed by the feeling of love for the men and women in our military branches (both past and present) that are fighting or have fought the evil empires of the world to maintain our freedom and liberty here in the greatest nation on earth. Think about it- we would not know freedom if there were no brave, selfless men and women to voluntarily fight (and sometimes make the ultimate sacrifice; their lives) for our independence from tyrannical powers. Let that sink in a moment.  I shout out a huge THANK YOU to all of our Veterans and current military personnel for keeping me safe and protected!

If we did not know liberty, we WOULD know oppression. There would be the possibility of not having the freedom to live and seek medical attention if we were ill (or if we had a terminal form of cancer, like my mother did). We might not have the freedom to worship (or not to worship) the real living God (or other god of our choosing) if we did not have liberty, lest we be persecuted for our beliefs. We most definitely would not be able to express ourselves freely through words (as I am right now) if living under such an oppressive regime.

My mom had the RIGHT to seek medical care for her cancer, and she took it upon herself to PRACTICE that right, even though the majority of the time, this type of cancer would end in her losing the battle of life. Let that last part really soak in for a while… even though the majority of the time, this type of cancer would end in her losing the battle of life. This is the truest test of freedom- in many countries, if you are diagnosed with a possibly terminal illness or disease, and especially if you are elderly, you may ‘qualify’ to be terminated (through the governing body not allowing you adequate medical care or medications that would slow down or prevent the spread of the disease) at the will of the government. You would no longer be eligible to live.  A death sentence for sure; an immoral way to treat the sick also.

I thought of these freedoms as these magnificent machines graced our presence in the skies before us. I thought of my mom in Heaven, still worshiping her Father Jesus. I thought of the millions of people in the world who do not even know the definition of freedom, as they have none themselves.

Let us, as United States of America citizens, be thankful to God for allowing us to have such a great military to protect us all.

Tim

It’s been 26 hours since Mom passed away.  Since she died just minutes before sunrise, today was the second sunrise she hasn’t had the opportunity to see.

Yesterday, after the University of MN picked up her body (she donated it for medical research), we four brothers took Dad out for breakfast, to get him out of the house.

Perkins was the first Brant family outing without Mom.  I could feel dad thinking it; he remarked as we were getting ready to leave that the empty chair across from him was where Mom should have been.

These are the numbers, the markers, of grieving.  There will be many firsts, several seconds, and some thirds to get through.

Although Mom will never be forgotten, and her influence will never fade from her family, we will all eventually stop counting the hours/days/weeks/months/years; we will all stop counting the firsts, the seconds, the thirds.  Our sadness at our missing Mom, and Wife, will ease as we allow it to.

Today, Dad and some of the brothers are going up to Duluth, to an air show; I’m too sick to go.  While in Duluth, they will stop to see the Lupines where Mom’s ashes will eventually be spread.

I wish I was able to be with them, to share in the marking, reminiscing, and counting of the hours…. but since I’m not, I will do my own reminiscing, with my loving wife Hazel.

The post below that is a poem says it all in the first line. ‘The angels gathered near your bed’ really describes the remarkable thing I saw last evening when visiting my mother for the final time here on earth. All of us ‘boys’ were in the bedroom tending to her, when I saw three beautiful butterflies flying around in a circle right outside her room in the back of the house. I think some of my other brothers saw them too.

This is the season of butterflies. To see one is not a miracle; to see many is not a miracle either. But for me to see three, flying around in a circle for about a minute or so; this meant something to me.

See, my mom was wearing a beautiful aqua-blue t-shirt, with butterflies silk screened on it. I immediately took the three beauties outside to represent the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, showing us inside with my mom that they were very nearby. On top of that, one of the anniversary gifts my parents received was a rock with the word ‘LOVE’ on it, and a little butterfly attached to it. That was sitting right near her bed on the dresser, in plain sight.

This all may be symbolism to some, but to me it was reassurance in knowing that the Trinity was there, always watching over my mom through this time, and I bet they are throwing one huge party right now with my mother by their side!!

My brother Dan was out on the deck later that evening, and the butterflies were zooming all around him. When they would fly in their circular pattern, they reminded him of a cocoon wrapping my mother in love, and out from it would emerge a new life, a beautiful butterfly, in a totally new world. Awesome.

Tim

Mom looked into Heaven this morning, and took the offered hand.

Her pain is no more.  Our pain is lessened because of that fact.

Mom used to “give us an ear full” when we transgressed a house rule.

OK so usually when posting, I just enter a title and use the title to build my post.  Today, I wasn’t really thinking when I typed “An Ear Full”, but it did occur to me that she used to do that, and used to use that very phrase.

Technically it wasn’t a lecture, more of a scolding.  Like when we three boys (maybe all four of us) had an epic spitwad battle in the upstairs of our home … I don’t remember, but I assume she was pretty mad about that.  Maybe.

I don’t tend to remember the “bad” times very well.  It’s the good stuff that counts, after all.

And there was plenty of good stuff.  Getting home from school, I’d eat a grapefruit and read a book, giggling at the funny stuff I’d read in “All Things Great and Wonderful” or some such (I was a KID, ok?), mom giggling along with me because … well, she thought my giggling was funny, I guess.

Mom spent so much time caring about all of us boys, and her “big boy” (Dad), and now she can’t seem to give that up.  She seems to want to be sure we’ll be OK without her.

Guess I can’t blame her, we are kinda lame … at least me and my brothers.  I can’t speak for Dad.

So how does one reassure a dying loved one that those left behind will be OK, without just coming out and saying it?  I mean, I can just say it but I’d rather demonstrate it somehow.

Maybe I’ll just hafta give mom an ear full, telling her how she is loved, how I will always remember her, how I will commemorate her life in the years to come.  Hmmmm…

The angels gathered near your bed,
so very close to you
For they knew all of the things
that you were going through
I thought about so many things,
I tightly held your hand,
Oh, how I wished that you were
strong and healthy once again;
But your eyes are looking homeward
to a place beyond the sky,
Where God will hold you always,
it was time to say goodbye;
I struggled with my selfish thoughts
for I wanted you to stay
So we could walk or talk again,
like we did — just yesterday;
But God still knows what’s best
and I knew God loved you so,
So I give to you my greatest gift;
The gift of letting go.

I was talking with Dan the other day (Mom’s birthday), and he was wondering what mom may be dreaming of. I thought about it for a few seconds and told him what I thought.

In my years of doing construction, I have heard many customers/homeowners say that they would go to to bed at night and dream of when their ‘new’ project would be completed. They would describe the beauty of the new floors, the radiant colors of the walls that would be void any marks, and the beautiful grain and tone of the new hardwood trim. It was funny- they would tell of this dream even when there was nothing more visible than a mess of drop cloths, sawdust, empty open paint cans, and wire fragments lying around. Then I knew it was in their future vision; they were seeing what the end result would be, and they often would not be affected by the mess in front of them.

I see mom doing the same- dreaming of her new Home in Heaven- while her Father is creating it in front of her eyes, she sees the beauty and is awe-struck by it.

I may never know if this is true, but I would like to believe it is.

I would like to dream that way.

Tim

Dave – hope this doesn’t seem like a ‘hijacked’ post, but your post got me thinking about this more so I had to say something.

Dave – Good post about the ‘situation’ at mom and dads…  I can’t believe this is where we are at, and I can’t get the image out of my head.  I want to remember her BC (before cancer) days but right now, this is so up front and personal, it’s hard to imagine anything else.

I remember the other day when someone put her handmade quilt on her I was thinking that she just didn’t appear to be herself anymore.  But then you came in and made a comment that she looked angelic.  I looked at her again and saw it – her beauty hasn’t faded at all – in any sense of the word.  She has been and will be an angel in our lives – constantly on our shoulder looking out for us, influencing us, protecting us, speaking to us.

This is one of the hardest parts for me and I’m sure others…  She hasn’t spoken in a few days.  She rarely responds to any sort of verbal comment that she’s hearing, or anything that she sees.  Although on Sunday I brought in one of her potted plants to show her and she mustured up the strength to comment “beautiful”..  I told her it doesn’t compare to the beauty that is awaiting her in Heaven.

One of the hospice books mentions to not talk about the patient in their presence because the last of the senses to go is hearing.  It is considered to be insensative to do this, yet I find ourselves doing it quite often – not because we’re insensative per se’, just because were forgetful.  I wonder if this is what mom was afraid of – not being able to comment when she really wants to have a say.

While mom is physically dieing, dad is experiencing a death of his own – not just loosing mom but as Dave said in his post, they’ve been together for 50 years.  The Bible says that they are One Flesh.  So consider for a moment, cutting yourself in half and surviving.  This is the type of adjustment that dad faces.

Mom – instead of talking about you, I will talk to you.  In this forum, in person and in my prayers I will trust that you can ‘hear’ what I’m saying to you.  Mom – I love you.  I can’t believe you’re not going to be with us here anymore.  I can’t imagine a world without you in it.  It’s not right..  It’s not fair!!

Mom, I’m sorry this happened to you.  I’m sorry I didn’t do more to support you through the treatments.  I feel the pain of my personal loss, but find it hard to imagine what you must have felt.  I wish we had more time.  I wish I could reset the clock – this went too fast.

Mom, it’s time to go.  I feel guilty for thinking like this – like my wish is for you to die.  I don’t wish for you to be gone, only that you would no longer feel any pain.  You’re unable to speak now and I can only imagine what you might be thinking.  Are you screaming inside?  Perhaps you’re truly at peace.  I wish we could know for sure.  I’m sorry I don’t come in to your room much to talk to you.  It’s hard to know what to say to comfort you – which is what I want to do.  I want nothing more from you – you’ve given everything to us that you possibly could.

Mom, I wish I knew what specifically you were afraid of.  I keep praying for you that God would take your fears, protect your heart and give you courage at each new phase of this process.  He’s prepared a place for you – it’s your turn.  It’s your time.

I love you mom – I wish you could read this..  But maybe, even though you can’t, in some way we’re connected enough that you know how I’m feeling.  Thank you for being our mom!

Tom

Fair warning:  this is a really depressing post.

I sit in the room with mom.

Mom is the very picture of what she used to complain about.  Her mouth is open, seemingly almost permanently, which she HATED to see in photos; she hated when I’d take a picture of her because she thought it would always show her with her mouth open — and she was right, it usually did.

Now, though, there is no picture-taking.  Mom is on her deathbed.  Her eyes only occasionally follow motion; her mouth is open, as if to say “it’s too hard to keep it closed”.

I look at her hands, and along with the age spots that I’ve grown so fond of, now I can see most of the bones from her wrist to the tips of her fingers.  I can see the major blood vessels in sharp relief against her ever-yellowing skin.

They say that hearing is the last sense to go; I just don’t know what to say.  I am dumbfounded, it’s not often that I’m left without words to speak.

I just don’t have words for comfort — comfort for me, or for Mom.  I worry that she’s afraid.

I don’t worry that she’s in pain — she will grimace, and we will know when she’s hurting, and we can medicate that.

We can’t medicate fear, at least not the fear she may be feeling, or the fear that I’m feeling for her.

Dad is dealing with this loss in his own way, but I worry about him, too.  Mom and Dad have been with each other for more than fifty years, two thirds of their lives; one half of them is dying, leaving this earth forever, to be joined at some later date in Heaven by the other half.  It must seem a vast gulf of time, and distance, to Dad.

Lately I’ve been trying to decide (as if it was mine to choose) which way of dying is better … to die quickly, no anticipation, no time to say good-byes, or to die slowly, to suffer, to have time to say good-byes, to dwindle.

No conclusions have come my way.  No answers.

I am bereft.

We all know Mom has a green thumb and has loved gardening her entire life (okay, at least I know she has my entire life). This love of gardening is not limited to plants, flowers, etc – she has gardened, if you will, us. She has planted seeds and coaxed them to grow. She has nurtured, watered, and lovingly pulled “weeds”. As a result, we have flourished, and dare I say we are a prized accomplishment for such a gardener.
We are the beneficiaries of all of her diligent hard work, and we will reap the harvest for years to come. May we all grow into gardeners like that!

Have you ever heard of the Bible verse in Isaiah 65:24 that has these words “…before they call, I will answer;”  in it? Have you ever had a situation or moment when something like that may happened in your life? Yesterday when the hospice nurse was here, I mentioned to her that we would like some clay for Megan and Nicole to be able to get Grandma Marie’s handprint for memory purposes. Kathy told us that the social worker that normally handles that was on vacation, but she would make a phone call to someone and see if we could get some delivered on Saturday. She placed a call and the social worker that answered said she would be delighted to deliver some, asking Kathy where to deliver it to, and when Kathy said to Maple Grove the social worker told her that she lived in Maple Grove and would stop by on her way home and deliver it. Kathy was so overtaken with gratitude, that as she said goodbye, tears were forming in her eyes showing her gratitude. I told Kathy to come over by me and said to her “did you know that there is a Bible verse that says “before they call, I will answer”, and continued telling her that she just witnessed one of those times. She was so blessed by that she told me later, and when the social worker came out, spending some time talking with and helping Megan and Nicole get Grandmas handprint, during the conversation that verse came up and she told us that she wanted the reference so she could tell others at church and elsewhere about this incident today. God works in mysterious ways His wonders to perform, keep looking and listening for Him to show up.

Have you ever asked yourself that question? Tim here; it has been a long time since I’ve posted anything, but I have been thinking about this subject for a while. Quite honestly for reasons I am unaware of.  See,  I really do not know how I handle this, in the context of the loss of a parent at least; this is new to me, and all of us original Brant children. So, how do I act? How do I respond? What questions do I have? And, most importantly, what ANSWERS do I have?

I may know the answer to the first question. How I act will quite possibly be the way I always act to challenging and (dare I say) somewhat frightening situations- with some humor and a lot of busyness. I do try to use humor a bit, so if you see this coming from me more often, know that I am dealing with this my way. And staying busy is a big thing for me- maybe this is why I am somewhat purposely putting off finishing some things so I will have something to do later on. Does that make sense?

How I respond to the loss of my mother will be a question that will be answered as time goes on. I realize that 10 out of 10 people do die someday, but even that doesn’t answer how I will respond to my mom leaving this earth in the physical form.

The only 2 questions I have right now are these: 1-Is my mom in pain as this is happening to her, and 2- When she is sleeping, is she dreaming of her Father in Heaven and how she is eternally loved by Him?

I only have one answer right now to any question- it is actually a fact, no matter what you, the reader, believes in; My mom is loved like a love that none of us could know right now by Jesus, and she knows that she will be in the presence of her Savior soon, and that all her pain and her broken body will be healed as she worships at the throne of her heavenly Father in Heaven.

That’s it for now.

Tim

As we all go through living on this earth, we make choices. What to eat, what to wear, things like these. Sometimes we find that the choice we might make didn’t have the outcome or results that we might have hoped for. When we were born we did not have the choice as to whether we would be born int a certain family, country, what color of hair, whether we would be a boy or girl, etc. Neither did we get a choice about our health or IQ, but as we go through life, again some choices we make can affect our health, NOT ALWAYS - I would dare to say that none of us would choose cancer!  But think of this – we all are given the choice on the after life – where we will live. God has given us that freedom to choose whether we will for all eternity be separated from Him because we rejected Him while living here on earth, or live with Him forever in heaven, because we accepted His offer that Jesus made on the cross for us. I would say that is an opportunity that no one should pass up. The words to a song comes to mind “will the circle be unbroken”. How can we dare to take the risk! Mom will be with Jesus, and I plan on joining her when my time ends on earth. Will You? love, Dad

I like what Mom said about how they’ve managed to stay married as long as they have, and she said, “I ran out of bullets.”

I laughed when I read that, and then it struck me that each time we get angry at our spouse or say hurtful things to them, it’s like we are shooting at them. We’re just killing them in a slower way.

Let’s all just hope and pray that we all run out of bullets like mom and dad. Becky

Fear of the unknown.  Don’t we all share that?

After reading many of the recent posts by Dad and Dave, I felt I must relay a message my mother told me the other night.  Please pray that she won’t be afraid.

I asked her as I was leaving, how would she like me to pray for her.  She asked that I pray that she wouldn’t be afraid.  She probably would be upset if she knew I was writing this or telling anyone else – you see, my mother has this thing about how she appears to others…  I guess I have it too.  Maybe it’s healthy even, but probably not…  Anyway, as she made that request, it was something I guess I didn’t expect.  It didn’t really come unexpected though.

I can’t even imagine what it’s like to be in the body that is slowly wasting away.  A body which once – not long ago – was strong and healthy.  A mind which was sharp and witty – which remains so by the way.  If I try to imagine myself in that situation, I feel as if I’m demeaning those who’ve experienced it.  If I think I know how it feels or think I can relate, I have to ask myself – have I ever been so weak and tired that I couldn’t open my mouth to speak?  It’s unimaginable.  But, it’s her life right now.

When she admits that she’s afraid, I have no misconception that she’s unwavering in her faith that she’ll be welcomed into Heaven with open arms when she dies.  I think she’s just afraid of the process.  It’s unknown.  Does it hurt?  Is it fast?  Does it happen immediately?  Will she be able to see her loved ones that are left behind?  Will she be all alone?  That’s a big one!

I’m sure she’s also afraid of the living part of the dying process.  People having to care for her and see her at her worst.  I can relate to this.  I can’t stand it when others can see my weaknesses, when I have to admit even to myself that I am not all that tough.  My wife of course knows my weaknesses and has seen me at my worst.  At least until I get even worse, maybe then she won’t be able to handle it.

I’d bet she’s scared of what will happen to Dad.  Will he be ok by himself, will the boys take good care of him?  Will someone hem his pants?  Will people come and see him regularly and keep the grandchildren visiting?  How is he going to take care of this house by himself?

She’s had a lot of time to think and ponder the things of which may scare her.  I think perhaps the process of death allows this by Gods design.  Here’s a woman who throughout her whole life put others needs before her own.  Now, it’s time to rest – to lay her burdens down.   This is her time.  I joke with my wife about each of us once in a while needing an “all about me day”.  Well, these days, it’s all about my mom.

This Sunday is her birthday – one we’re hoping she can celebrate with us.

Her time of true rest – true peace – is near.  When we die, we are separated from fear, anxiety, worry, stress, etc.  The pain she’s in now will be gone.  She will walk again – and in our mind, we will probably imagine her gardening in Heaven.

We who believe in God can rest in the fact that she’ll be entering into Heavens gates with open arms.  While God will be with us mourning her loss, he’ll also be with her celebrating her arrival.  Can you even imagine the overwhelming joy it would bring if you had a long lost daughter come home.  This is the joy that will be in Heaven that day.

Please pray that Mom will not be afraid, but that God will give her confidence in what lies ahead.  Pray that God would remind her of the moment she asked him into her heart and reassure her that she can do this – he will be with her every step.  He promises that once you’re his, nothing can separate you from Him – not even if you try.

(Romans 8:38-39)  “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither the angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Please read this  ->  “Anticipatory Grief”

On Tuesday , July 6, a musical therapist from Fairview Hospice came over to play her guitar and sing some songs to us, Michelle, Cameron and Avery. Shortly after arriving it was brought to her attention that we had just celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary, so the lady asked me first what kept us together and I responded “God”. After a few kind words she asked Mom what she would say in answer to that question, and after thinking about it for a few minutes Mom replied “I ran out of bullets”, to which we all broke up in laughter. Becky said that’s the first time she had heard that, and I said,” yeah, I don’t know what that means, was Mom taking target practice at me or what? “  I will leave that for your conjecture. It is beautiful to hear Mom’s sense of humor in action, and when I look into those sparkling blue eyes, they light up because we have a very intimate relationship with each other, are at peace with our Creator God and each other, and our sons and their families, and many friends. Sunday after coming home from church I bent down to kiss her and say something to her, when she started to sing “Put  your arms around me honey, hold me tight, Huddle up and Cuddle up with all your might….”, an old time musical song. Things like that just pop up, and , WOW. She lights up my life and many others. It is so meaningful to have family come and surround us at this time – so a great big hug to each one. Love, Dad and Mom

I continually find out stuff about my mom that I think I never knew before.

Mom watches the Minnesota Twins as often as she can.  I don’t remember her expressing interest in baseball before… but I was, after all, an inattentive son.  If I had been paying attention, and had known she admired baseball, perhaps I would have worked harder to do well, or at least better, at the sport.

About the only memory I have of softball is the time that I went to catch a fly ball, held up my mitt like Dad coached me to, and sure enough, straight outta the cartoon page of the Sunday paper, the ball soared just over the mitt and into my forehead.

When that scene plays in my head, I imagine dad rolling his eyes, thinking what a great kid he had raised.

Anyways, that was the pinnacle of my budding career in sports.

Oh, what about the creamed peas, you say?  ’Twas one of my favorite dinners, getting creamed peas on toast as a kid.  I’m not supposed to eat peas anymore, but I think maybe I’ll have to make some creamed peas and have a few bites in honor of my memory.

… Just a few memories of pleasant times growing up, being the first kid.

Oh, one more, from Dad:  he told me earlier today about how before I was born, they were both a little amazed that they were about to have a kid.  The result was me!  Poor mom & dad, what a surprise they got.

What a joy it is to take Mom shopping for plants and flowers. Today, after talking of making the deck a little more colorful, Mom asked me to take her shopping for some plants that we could put on the deck. Our sons know that I am not a plant person, knowing very little about how to care for them. Well, after wheeling her to the car and helping her in, we went shopping, and after pushing the wheelchair down most of the aisles and dragging a cart behind, Mom decided on several plants, then headed home. When we got home and after laying down for a nap (Mom did) , she got up, we found some planters, and Mom started separating plants, and transplanted some to make a colorful pot. She has more to do tomorrow, I help where I can. Praise God for giving her the strength and stamina to do something that she really enjoys doing. It is so good to see the sparkle in her eyes, I’ll always treasure that memory. Honey! I love you so much – Ron

Psalm 55:22 says “Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall.” Charles Swindoll comments “God is longing to take your burden and carry it for you, but He won’t force you to let go of it. You must do that yourself. You must take the risk and in faith, entrust it all into His care. He says to you, “Then and only then, will you know that I am God.” I know personally that it is hard for me to let go, I want to be in control, so this is a real challenge for me, one of those easy to say but hard to do things. Perhaps that is exactly what God is waiting for from me as it pertains to Mom. Please pray that I will let go control completely. Then this morning I read this “Every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.” John 15:2 and Alicia Britt Chole comments in Pure Joy “Submitting to God’s pruning can be painful. Yielding requires persistent faith. We must hold tightly to God’s character with tears in our eyes. But our Master Gardener is trustworthy. He loves us too much to elevate looking good above being good. With each cut of His “pruning knife,” God thins our lives in order to thicken our character.” Have you ever noticed that when you prune a tree or plant, the results later on? They usually grow more plush, thicker, better formed. That’s our desire, to be better formed in Jesus. We would welcome your thoughts as comments.  Love from Dad

Today our second oldest son Dan left for home after blessing us with his company a week. Dan likes pickles has since he was a little boy, and most trips here he buys a large jar of pickles, sometimes leaving what ever is left. Being that we have 2 jars in the fridge now, we wanted to make sure that he took this jar home with him, so Mom told him as he was packing the car, “make sure you take your pickles”, which we all chuckled at, and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity of taking a picture of the two of them. Thanks Dan for your visit and all you did for us while here. It’s always good to have the family here, so besides being at our fiftieth anniversary, they came over last night to visit, take family pictures, and get an update on Mom. Today after Dan left, and mid afternoon, I took Mom for a ride in her new wheelchair, about a 2 mile ride in the surrounding neighborhood. Shortly before rounding the corner to our house, Mom said ” kind of wish we had a little dog”. We both miss our sweet little dog “Cookie”. When we got home, Mom was very tired, wanted to lay down, told me how much she enjoyed the walk/ride (meaning I had a good walk and she had a good ride). The sparkle still shines in her eyes. Later, Tim and Brenda stopped by after being to the Dr. for a checkup, and told us that there is nothing wrong with the baby boy that Brenda is carrying. This is good news! Please keep them in your prayers too, that the baby will be born healthy (expected in late December), pray that Mom will be able to see this baby and be restored to good health. Also, I want to express sincere thanks to all who came to our anniversary party, and especially to family who put this together, Michelle for all she did in organizing this event. God is so good all the time. We love each one of you.

Some of you know that Marie was/is a good artist. She has done sketches in pencil of her dad Arthur, her mom Ora, several of horses, etc. over the years. This is just one of many interests she has and is very good at. It is refreshing to see one of our Grand daughters has a very strong interest in this type of artistry and is very good. Just recently Megan sent some drawings that she did at her school in an art class, to her Grandma Marie. I will try to share them with this posting, with a huge hug and thank you to Megan from Grandma and Grandpa. You are gifted – keep at things that interest you and that you are gifted at, young lady. We love you very much, Grandma Marie and Grandpa Ron. By the way the first drawing is one where she was given just a little square of the waterfall and she had to draw the rest of the picture herself without any clues as to what to draw. The second drawing is one where she was given a Christmas ornament to hold in her hand and then draw her reflection as she saw it in the ornament. Beautiful!!!

(+) vs (-).

In my thoughts, negative wins more than positive.  In my life, positive wins a lot more often than negative.

There’s a discrepancy here.

I can’t extrapolate to think that all of us have the same discrepancy.  Most of my extended family appear mostly positive, outwardly at least.  Admitting to my negative disposition is … well, negative.  It doesn’t feel good.

Last evening, we all gathered at Mom and Dad’s house to take some family photos.  I don’t know whether anyone noticed, but I was in a bad mood…. my negativity showing through again.  I try to conceal the worst of my moods — “turn my frown upside down” — but internally it doesn’t help.

After the picture-taking, we sat down in the living room to visit a little bit.  The talk turned to how to deal with some issues coming up; Mom is beginning to need extra help, and Dad was asking whether we could all pitch in (the answer is yes, of course).  This conversation was unexpected, and depressing to some of us, but to me it makes sense to talk about these things.

Through most of it, Mom was silent.  As her son I should know her quite well, but it’s hard for me to imagine what she’s thinking, so I was relieved when someone asked her directly how she was feeling about all this.  Mom said, “I’m scared…” and trailed off.    Each of us filled in the “scared of what?” question with our own answers … Mom used to work in a nursing home, so it’s assumed she may be scared of what we’ll have to do to help her.

Perhaps she’s scared that we will treat the situation as humorous.  All four of Mom and Dad’s sons seem to treat life’s problems with humor, and I think that makes it seem like we don’t take things seriously.

When I joke around, much of the time it’s because I’m trying to seem positive.  Yes, hiding my negative feelings with a joke is sometimes inappropriate.  Yes, joking around can be interpreted as derisive.

Mom, know this:  I take your situation very seriously.  I try to be respectful, and hope that you will let me know if I say something hurtful.  In the near future, when called upon to help you with whatever care you may need, I will do my best to be respectful and loving, and not carelessly “funny”.  I am sorry if I’ve appeared callous.

Now for the hard part:  I can see faint indications that we are beginning to pull away from each other.  I think it’s natural for us who will continue living to pull away from the dying (a sort of pre-separation), and for the dying to pull away too, but I also think it sucks, and don’t want any part of it.  As much as possible, I’d like to remain a part of Mom’s life as long as she is here with us (I’m gonna cry now… ).  I’m not good at keeping Mom company, but I’d like to be there when it’s OK.

Mom, apologizing for “putting us through this” is not necessary.  This is a part of life that I don’t want to shy away from.  You were there for me thru thick and thin … you cleaned up after me time and time again, times four.  You cared for me when nobody wanted to — including yourself, but you did it anyways.  I want to be able to say that for myself, that I cared for my Mom thru her hardest times, despite sometimes not wanting to.  It is my hope that you won’t feel bad about “putting us through” anything.  We love you.

Dad, it’s OK to want to escape sometimes.  Please let us know, in no uncertain terms, when you need to “get away” for a while — we’re kinda dumb sometimes, so you may have to really spell it out.  We all love you.

A belated Happy Birthday to my Dad!  He’s … well, officially a year older now than he was last week.

50 years have passed since Marie Bork joined Ron Brant in holy matrimony.

50 years™.

Dad alluded to this in his post below:  50 years is a long time.  When I was 21, if I thought about the future, it wasn’t 50 years into the future; I always thought of the “future” as 2010, or maybe 2011 when I’ll turn 50 years old.

I honestly don’t know how one would reward 50 years of any successful endeavor.  Fifty years is longer than many of us reading this blog have been alive, so it’s almost like looking at those black & white photos of historical times; it’s not “real” in our minds, and is therefore incomprehensible. This date in history: June 25, 1960.

It’s real in Mom and Dad’s minds, though.  In fact, their mind’s eyes today are probably vividly remembering some of the moments of that wedding day — the nervousness maybe, or the elation when it was all over and they could relax for a moment.

The beauty of this moment is that none of us has ever realistically imagined it.  It is a new moment, a jewel.

Another quote from Richard Bach:

“A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life.”

One day left – and we will have been married for 50 years. When we got married, I don’t remember giving 50 years any thought – too busy learning how to live with the woman you love, working at all the adjustments needed by both, contemplating having some children, setting the foundation and building on that foundation – a strong faith in God, attempting to live it out in front of others (making  mistakes along the way).  Have you ever given much thought  to 50 years of your life ? For most people 50 years is a big chunk of their life, in my own case almost 2/3 of it. They have passed rather swiftly – almost to the point of wondering where did the time go?  I have had the honor of having a gem as my bride, standing with me in good as well as trying times, encouraging, lifting up, carrying as needed, a woman that is described in the book of Proverbs chapter 31, some words such as “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies”. It goes on to describe things she does (always putting her family first), then “She is clothed with strength and dignity;” and “She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue, She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:” and it is capped with these words “but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” This is my sweetheart of 50 years together. Last evening we had 3 of our sons over, 2 daughter-in laws, and Cameron and Avery, along with Moms sister Inez. I just love to see my wife light up when she sees the little grandchildren, and also our sons, and daughter-in laws. My wife made my day when at bedtime I asked her if she would like for me to read to her, and she said “yes honey, this is a highlight of my day.” Wow!!  I thank God for this wonderful, beautiful woman that He brought into my life many years ago, and who has so faithfully been there all along.  I am truly blessed!! Honey- may it never end! I Love you more now than ever. I trust that I have earned your love forever. Ron

A quote:  “What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls a butterfly!”

Mom has always seemed, in my eyes, to be a beautiful butterfly.  She is more beautiful now, in this time of adversity; her strength of character shines brightly.

I wonder if caterpillars mourn when one of their own transforms into a butterfly, and flies away?

As I’m driving to Minnesota in anticipation of Mom and Dad’s 50th Anniversary celebration I was trying to find something on the radio to listen to that I’d like. One song stood out even though I didn’t hear the opening, and normally I would just keep changing stations instead of listening to a country station (yes, they have those in Wisconsin!). It reminded me so much of what this weekend was in recognition of – love that is so passionate that it lasts a lifetime. I know it is unrealistic to wish them another 50 years together (Dad would be so old we’d have to call him Methuselah), but it would be nice. Anyways, getting back to the song…Love Like Crazy

Sunday, on Father’s Day, Dan called his friend, Eric, to wish him a happy Father’s Day. Eric has had pancreatic cancer in stage four for over a year. We really felt like we could commisserate with them from watching Scott, my brother-in-law go through his cancer and now Mom.

You can imagine the shock and surprise Dan(and all of us) had when he learned that Eric had passed away three days earlier. It definitely put a damper on our day. I knew there was a family we knew who didn’t get to celebrate Father’s Day with their dad, but then I remembered that Eric was with Jesus in a much better place. Becky

Many of you know that I’m a bit crazy – maybe just weird or – eccentric??  Anyway, I guess that is deserved to some extent.  Afterall, not many people decide to build an all wooden airplane in their basement and power it with a Chevy Corvair engine (you know, from the 60s).  This is the car that Ralph Nader dubbed “Unsafe at any speed”.  Of course he was referring to the fact that the engine was in the rear of the car which caused them to spin out in high speed corners.

So about this airplane…

If you know anything about people who build planes you may know that we’re a bit nostalgic too.  For me, this is evident in a few things I’ve decided to do while building.  First, I asked as many people as I could to come over and help me build wing ribs.  I intend to put their names on the bottom of the wings near the rib they built.  This started off well, but in the end, only a few people actually did it.  I’ll still honor them the way I intended, but the whole wing won’t have names – just a few spots.

Then, I’d asked mom several times for some old artwork of her father “Art”.  He made wooden tables, trays and artwork from rough lumber that he’d cut down to geometrical shapes.  Then he’d fit them together like a puzzle.  They were works of “Art” and very original and unique.  I want to incorporate one or two of these into the airplane as well – maybe as the instrument panels.  Not sure how, but they’ll be part of it.

When my father-in-law Mike Ripley was nearing the end, I asked for him to come up with a couple ideas that I could incorporate into it in memory of him.  He had a few – some of which fit his personality very well – but I’ve chosen above all of them to incorporate the date of his death (January 9th, 2010).  The registration number will be N109MR – or as read over the radio “November 1-0-niner-mike-romeo”.  Every time I call the tower I’ll be remembering Mike.

As my mother was blessed with the skills of her father, I’ve asked her if she could help me put together part of the airplane.  This is important to me in so many ways.  She’s accepted the challenge and now it’s up to me to get the pieces ready – and I’m working on it.  Hopefully in the next week or two I’ll be ready – hopefully she’ll be ready too and we can have some good memories working together.  On the part she helps on (the center section of the wing) I intend to have her sign it, and then of course to have her name written on the bottom of the wing once it’s finished.  Every time I fly, I’ll look up and see her name – in the center – holding me up.

I’ve been thinking alot about this lately.  Having her name on it, just doesn’t seem enough.  I will have her name on it, but also I’ve decided to name the airplane after her – at least – in theory…  I want to have “Mother Ship” painted on the side.  And below that, the Wikipidia definition for mother ship:   “A mother ship is a vessel or aircraft that carries a smaller vessel or aircraft that operates independently from it.”  Of course the smaller vessel being me.

OK – I know it seems a little bizzarre or crazy – wierd, whatever..  But over the course of my life, she has carried me and I’ve now grown to operate independently of her, even though many times she still carries me.

Thanks mom for carrying me all these years.  If not physically, you’ve carried us to God in prayer for sure – more than we’ll ever know.

Love ya mom – looking forward to making a center section of an airplane wing together.

Yesterday was Father’s day, and one of our daughter-in laws has for many years threatened to make some brownies for me laced with Exlax. Recently I had to remind her that she never carried through with that yet. Me and my big mouth! Wouldn’t you know it, this time she came close, she made brownies – but – put the Exlax pieces on top, with the leftover, well, you’ll see. The brownies were tasty – no Exlax  inside, however if there would have been, I could say “this is what has kept me from having a colonoscopy”. Anyway, enough of that! Thanks to you know who for the brownies.

Mom and Dad will celebrate their 50th anniversary on June 28th!  I’m not sure how they’ve managed to live with each other all these years, but I sure am glad (for myself, and for them) that they have.

Dad was working on putting together a slide show for the celebration, but got bogged down and asked me to step in.  It’s an honor that I won’t treat lightly.

As I write this, I am importing all the photos from Dad’s collection into Adobe Lightroom, which I’ll use to sort thru the photos and mark the ones I want to use in the slideshow.  I did some math (ugh) and figured out that I can fit in 600 photos, displayed at 6-second intervals, to make an hour-long slideshow.  Dad wanted me to add some music, but unless I can find an hour’s worth of different songs, I may skip that … it’d be pretty monotonous to listen to the same song, over and over again, while the slideshow plays out.

The import is almost 3/4 of the way done, and there are 7500 photos so far … so I can expect nearly 10,000 photos to go thru!  Woohoo, maybe I’ll make two slideshows … one of “just” Mom and Dad and their kids, and the other one with Mom, Dad, and extended families (their kid’s kids, etc).

It’s amazing to see how many photos have accumulated (and this is not all of them, there are many which haven’t yet been scanned in) during several lifetimes.  These are prods to our memories, and each one will remind us of a little slice in time.

Nostalgia is sometimes good; it’s really neat to look back with wonder at the children we all were, at one time or another, and see the … innocence?  Just the not-knowing-what-lies-in-the-future.  Although sometimes it would be nice to go back and re-live those moments,  we are in the here-and-now, and will face the music of our future together.  Mom and Dad’s monumental achievement will live on forever in all of us.

Here’s something to think about, something that we read Tuesday morning.  “I thank You, High God — You’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made!” Psalm 139:14 The Message or another rendering is “I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” John Eldredge says in his book “The Journey of Desire” – “God wanted to show the world something of His strength. Is He not a great warrior? Has He not perormed the daring rescue of His beloved? And this is why He gave us the sculpture that is man. Men bear the image of God in their dangerous, yet inviting strength. Women, too, bear the image of God, but in a much different way. Is not God a being of great mystery and beauty? Is there not something tender and alluring  about the essence of the Divine? And this is why He gave us the sculpture that is woman.” Another devotional we read told of Susan Boyle from Britain who was just a plain unlikely source of beauty who sang a beautiful melody. Perhaps you recall that from 2009. The point made was for each of us unlikely sources to “Let the beauty of Jesus be seen in me”  Some words of uplifting and encouragement as we continue on this journey. Today, Mom and me along with her sister are taking a trip to Duluth. Please keep us in your prayers – we don’t know what effect this will have on Mom due to her weakend body.

We really don’t know where to start. We have been blessed in so many ways, by so many people, but God has initiated them all by prompting people first, so first of all we give thanks to our Heavenly Father for All of His Blessings, then to all you wonderful people out there. Our family has blessed us so often in so many ways, then extended family, then friends. Let me tell you of one that recently happened. Mom has a quilt that she started when she was 13 years old and wanted so desperately to finish it but due to her cancer has not been able to finish it on her own. Somehow a friend found out about this and has the tools that would finish it rather quickly. Mom was told about this and made arrangements to have it done, fully expecting to pay for it (thinking it might cost in the hundreds) . Well on this past Sunday Mom received her quilt back completely finished and this friend decided to do this as a gift – no charge! Praise be to God! Words cannot adequately be said for acts of kindness such as this. We are truly grateful for things like this, people who come to visit, those who bring food items, make phone calls, send cards, etc. Thanks be to God for His unfailing kindness through people. We know that God will reward people for the cups of cold water (blessings) given in Jesus name. With Love Marie and Ron

On Friday, June 11 we had to do a “very difficult thing” as Tom referred to earlier. We had to put to sleep our beloved little dog who has been a part of our lives for almost 15 years. She had kidney failure, lost most of her hearing, had cataracts in her eyes, and was really failing health wise. But – even to the very end she would wag her tail and smile when greeting you. I still find myself expecting this sweet little dog to greet me at the door, waiting to lay her head on my lap, waiting for me to give her a bite of a banana or apple, looking for her to signal that she needs to go outside, waiting to go to bed with us at night and snuggle up by my feet or legs to keep them warm at night.  When we first brought her home she was small enough to fit in my coat pocket (the weather was cold), I had just had cataract surgery and had to stay home for awhile so she and I bonded very quickly. Over the years she was taught how to roll over, sit up, retrieve  a ball many times, catch the ball, play football with me (I would get into the center position slap my thigh and she would be the quarterback and as I said hut, hut, hut, I would shovel her favorite toy into her mouth and she would run between my legs to the other side of the room and jump on the couch).  These are some things we enjoyed together, along with walks, some trips in earlier years. She was a constant companion, dare I say a great companion, a real pal. She depended on us to feed her, take care of her and in return she provided companionship, and much enjoyment, security and loads of love, always anxious to see us and greet us no matter what. As I think about her I am reminded that Jesus is anxious for us to come sit with Him and spend time with Him, He is always waiting for us – never too busy or distracted to listen to us, always being a constant companion, willing to forgive, just full of love for us.  I miss her a lot, but I have very fond memories of her and will have for the rest of my life.  Thank You Lord for placing this little dog into our lives and reminding us through her life a little lesson about Jesus.  From both Mom and Dad.

Maybe you know what this is going to be about already ; )

Laughter.  What else would you think the title would be about???

Tonight while talking to mom and dad I told mom to give dad the ol’ Dutch Oven.  I thought at first they might know what I meant but it didn’t get a reaction so I explained…  Then they were both laughing out loud.

It was great to hear it – it made my heart smile.  Especially today, since they had to do something very difficult today.

Earlier this week, I had to go in and finish up a root canal.  I hate dentist visits, as I’m sure everyone else does too.  How horrible it must be to be a dentist and know you’re hated.    Doctors know it too, but dentists – they’re the lowest of the low..  Except perhaps lawyers.  All of which get compensated very well for being thick skinned, so I guess maybe I should have been a dentist.  I mean, I’m handy with a drill for sure.

So, for those of you who’ve had a root canal, you may remember them using files to clean out the nerve material inside the root.  Well, for whatever reason it was, I thought I should take a look at the instruments they kept handing across my face.  I looked at these things and they’re tiny and sharp like a needle.  Every time I saw one, I imagined the pain I was about to feel.  Of course I was numbed up with a couple shots of novacaine but knowing what they’re putting in there, gave me phantom pain I think.

What could be worse than dental treatments?  I guess chemo could be.  Or just cancer in general..  It just plain kills people – which is why every time I hear the word, something in me just gets angry.  It’s taken so much – is taking so much from me – from our families..  And what really breaks my heart is what it is taking from my son.

Inevitably we ask – why?

One of the people in our small group the other day told a story about why we need to learn to accept the hard things in life, because there may be something much bigger that we can’t see.  He thought of this as he was mowing his lawn and there was a large moth in his path.  Without thinking about anything, he went and kicked the moth up from the grass to get it out of the way so he could mow.  It then dawned on him that the moth might be thinking – wow, that dude almost killed me, what the heck was he thinking, why would something like this happen to me?  But really, he saved the moths life.  If he’d have kept on mowing, the moth would now be ground up little bits and unable to ask those questions. I just thought it was a neat perspective about how many times we can’t see beyond the negative things that are happening around us – we sometimes miss the big picture – or maybe it’s not even visibile.

I hope that with the remainder of my life that I’m able to look beyond what’s imediately in front of me and see the big picture.  That root canal hurt – and still does, but I can’t imagine what it might have felt like if I hadn’t had that done.  I hope that mom can do the same – enjoy every moment that’s left.  Look beyond what she’s had to go through and is going through and just enjoy each day for what it is – another day – another breath.

Each night I pray for my kids, that God will protect them and keep them.  I thank Him for allowing us to have each moment – each breath – each cry.  Even when they’re driving me nuts (which is quite often really).

When I read the post that Dave put on here the other day, I liked what he said about moms hand prints – they’re embedded in us already – deep in our hearts.

Guess I should go give the wife the ol’ dutch oven now.  Whoohooo!

Some time ago, our little (big) 4 year old grandson called our house one day to talk with Gramma Marie. Unfortunately at the time we were gone, but, when we got home the message on the phone was pretty much like the title above in a little (big) boys voice ” Hello… Gramma … I just called to say hello.” At the time he didn’t quite understand why there was no answer, but what a delightful message!! Since then he has called several times to talk with Gramma Marie. Today, when he came over, he had a play cell phone with him and he was showing us and telling us about it, that he called his pretend brother John in heaven, etc. During his time of visiting, I had to go and get our car at the shop where it was taken for some repairs/maintenance (the dealership sent some one to pick me up). As I was leaving Cameron asked me “where you going Papa?” I explained that I had to go and get my car, and as I walked away he said to me “I’ll miss you.” I had to reply I’ll miss you too Cameron.” When I got home he asked me if I received a call from him – that he called me on his cell phone. Oh to be a little boy again! He has a very kind and tender heart. He and Gramma and Avery had an enjoyable time putting their hand prints on some clay together. Just what you need to lift you up when you need it.

This morning and several other times today I read the following and as you read, meditate  on what you read.  Jeremiah 15:16 says ” When Your words came, I ate them; they were my jpy and my heart’s delight, for I bear Your name, O Lord God Almighty.” Alicia Britt Chole says in her book Pure Joy ” For me, good company enriches any meal. And Jeremiah felt the same way. His favorite food was God’s Word in the company of …. God Himself ! What an incredible banquet God gives us through His Word. The scriptures, when injested, bring delight to our hearts and energy to our spirits. God’s Word is thoroughly nutritious and always fresh.” Doesn’t that just encourage you today and make you thirsty for reading His Word?   Love, Dad

Life’s an adventure, so they say … a new one every day.

Today, my adventure has been realizing that I should have some regrets.  It’s only appropriate that a 48-year-old have a few moments in his life that he wishes weren’t so.  Right?

Most, if not all, of my regrets have to do with not realizing until much later, some kind of damage I’ve done, some unkindness, some crime-by-omission.  I’m having trouble coming up with specifics, though.

A long time ago, back when I was still in the AF, I tried to tell mom & dad something; I regarded this something as important, but just couldn’t bring it up.  Later, when I again tried to tell them, I just couldn’t … and it’s moot, anyways.

Just the other day, someone told me that as a result of watching my mom’s experiences with chemotherapy, that he wouldn’t go through it himself, if he was diagnosed with cancer.  I suppose, in reality, that if the particular cancer was likely to be cured by chemo, he might change his mind … but I can see his point.  Honestly, when I looked at the statistics back when mom was diagnosed, I thought chemo would be worthless … but truly, it hasn’t been proven to be worthless.

Mom suffered … A LOT … and I’m not sure how she feels about whether it was worth it or not … but I feel, now, that she did the right thing.  Chemo did pretty much wreck her; don’t get me wrong, it hurts me to see what mom went through — but I just can’t dismiss it and say she shouldn’t have done it.

We’ve had the blessing of having her around for probably a few extra months.  There it is … stark and bold.  If she hadn’t pursued treatment, she might be gone now.  Her adventures would be over, and we would be left to carry out our own, less colorful, adventures.  I guess what I’m saying is, mom adds a bit of color to each of our lives, in big and small ways.

Most of those ways we have yet to realize; we’ll only realize some of them many years from now, in an epiphany that just comes to us out of nowhere — and that’ll be an adventure all in itself.

Tomorrow, mom will get her handprint embedded in clay, alongside Cameron’s and Avery’s.  Sort of a tool to help them later in life, a talisman if you will, a marker.  I’ve been wondering whether I’d like the same sort of talisman, my handprint with mom’s … but I don’t think so.  Mom’s handprint is all over my life, as densely woven into my life as my own eyes are.

I was going to try and list my deepest regret here, but … either I don’t really have any deep regrets, or I’m having a lot of trouble articulating them.

I love you, mom, and I hope your day is going well!

I love those wedding pictures, too.
A short time ago, I made copies of my parents’ wedding pictures, and I scrapbbooked them. It was fun, because I like scrapbooking. They got divorced forty years ago (boy that sounds like a long time ago!), but I still enjoyed it because they’re my parents and I love both of them, and it brought back memories of our wedding, because our wedding was in the same church. Plus I imagined the feelings that they had for each other at the time the pictures were taken.

When I was in town, I made copies of Ron and Marie’s wedding pictures and scrapbbooked them, using glittery light pink paper and white hearts cut out from a doily. How much more fun it was to scrapbook those, with them still together! With love from Becky

Today is June 3 – a day to remember. It is Camerons birthday!! He is a very special little boy who has a very special place in his heart for Gramma Marie as Gramma Marie has in her heart for him. We talked with him today on the telephone, he was going to go to the zoo with Mommy and little sister Avery, then this evening he was going to celebrate with Daddy, Mommy and Avery at Chucky Cheese. His big party will be on Saturday. God is so good, He placed this little boy and his sister into our lives for such a time as this. Thank You Father!

I stopped by to see Mom and Dad today.

Lately I’ve been feeling pretty down, and they really brightened my day.  Mom is still working on her photo project, and Dad … well, Dad is still kicking.  We sat around the dining room table for a little bit while Mom worked on the pictures, and talked about this and that.  Nothing really substantial, just visiting … but it was really nice to see Mom’s sense of humor has survived what she’s been through, and what she’s going through now.  She seems in really good spirits, and it just does my heart good.  Mom and Dad were joking around and it was just … really nice.

I looked through their wedding album (do you believe it … the album is almost 50 years old … that must mean that … hmmm, wait, no don’t tell me, I’ll get it … oh yeah, Mom and Dad will have their 50th wedding anniversary soon!  See, I got it) .. looking at the pictures almost makes my parents seem “different”, like real people or something instead of my parents.

Think about it.  When you think of “normal” or “real” people, I bet your parents aren’t the first ones to pop into mind.  They’re special, not normal, and more real than “real”.

Looking at that album, I saw faces full of hope and wonder; looking at them across the dining room table, I saw that same hope and wonder, plus.

Love you both!

I just have to share with you what Mom and I read this morning in a little devotional “Gods Promises Day By Day” “All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made.” John 1:3

Anne Graham Lotz comments from her book “Just Give Me Jesus” “God created atoms and angels and ants, crocodiles and chiggers and clouds, diamonds and dust and dinosaurs, raindrops and sweat drops, dewdrops and blood drops and me! And you!  The greatness of His power to create and design and form and mold and make and build and arrange defies the limits of our imagination. And since He created everything, there is nothing beyond His power to fix or mend or heal or restore.” We need to keep our focus on God and remind ourselves that there is nothing beyond His power to fix, mend, heal, restore. Take comfort in His ability.  The words to an old song come to mind “All that thrills my soul is Jesus, He is more than life to me, and the fairest of ten thousand, in my blessed Lord I see.” Dad

Recently, Mom has had the joy of visiting with some special friends from our church – sometimes they will come to visit at our house, and sometimes we will take her to visit them at the church. Each time, she really comes to life when she sees them. They bring so much joy into her life, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention them. There are others also that we do not have pictures of, but God knows who you are and He will reward you for your kindness. Thanks to all family and friends who take time to visit, call, send cards, etc. By the way, we plan on celebrating 50 years of marriage on June 25.

Yesterday my beautiful bride had to have fluids infused at home (a regular weekly occurrence), and we found out that the needle that had been left in the port for the last week had to be removed before any fluids could be administered. We also found out that  the new needle would have to be removed after the fluids were done or it would have to be flushed daily. Well, that task had to be done by me, so I learned how to remove the needle from her port both the old one and the newer one after the fluids were done. Of course my sweetheart had to ask if she should call me Doctor or Nurse, and other people have asked me the same. The answer is NO! It is my privilege to be able to serve my bride in any way that I can. The fluids were administered at a quicker rate than the previous week, thankfully. Earlier in the week I wheeled Mom down to the church so she could spend some time with her lady friends that she use to volunteer with, and just as we arrived at the entry door, here was Pastor Steve Hanson to open the door – could God have arranged that beforehand? As her visit was coming to an end, my dear sweetheart asked one of the ladies who sews if she would consider hemming up my pants when I buy new ones – Mom went on to explain that over the years she has done this for me because the pants are too long or maybe I’m too short – the ladies jokingly suggested that perhaps I should grow some more in height, buy some elevator shoes, etc. It was good to laugh. Anyway, this beautiful bride of mine was still showing how she cares for me – real love. I have been truly blessed in so many ways to have her as my life partner, from time to time I reminisce and smile or cry and thank God. Last night I picked up a notebook that was laying on the table, and found the following written: “who do you know that can wash dishes, bake potatoes, vacuum, walk the dog, do laundry, bring in the mail, cut the lawn, rake leaves, fill the gas tank, etc., my own personal “gnome” – he can do anything” . Remember the words ” for better or worse, in sickness and in health, etc.” That is what this is all about – serving because we love. Just some thoughts as I gaze upon my beautiful lover.

The past few days as I read from the Bible and several devotionals, I have been reminded of God’s more than abundant blessings. I would like to share some things that I read as an encouragement to anyone reading this. “Trust Me enough to let Me guide you through this day, accomplishing My purposes in My timing. I am sovereign over every aspect of your life. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.” from Jesus Calling , May 18, John 4:24; Isaiah 55:8,9 I know that I am prone to want things done according to my timing, not God’s timing, and I am prone to want to be in control, but, God is saying to me that He is in control and He will accomplish His purposes in His timing, what I need to do is submit to His sovereignty. Another few excerpts from Jesus Calling, May 17, “As you sit quietly in My Presence, remember that I am a God of abundance. I will never run out of resources; My capacity to bless you is unlimited. Even now you have access to as much of Me as you have faith to receive.”  Philippians 4:19; 2 Corinthians 5:7 I don’t know if you have trouble sitting quietly in God’s presence like I do, my mind is usually thinking of a myriad of things, but, Jesus is calling me to sit quietly with Him, then remember. I’ve noticed more and more that His blessings are so varied. He  blesses us through people calling, coming to visit, helping in so many ways.” Heavenly Father thank You so much for all the ways that You bless us. Help me to just trust You this day and to walk in obedience with You.” Love from Dad